Fostering & Other Fun Thoughts

Hubby and I both managed to wake up early this morning and we were able to enjoy the luxury of sitting in bed together each doing our morning prayers in peace and quiet. Bliss!

I'm attempting to pack up summer clothes, pack things that are taking up much needed room in our apartment and prepare for visiting our house in Tennessee for the weekend. Unforeseen circumstances are making packing impossible right now, so I decided to take advantage of this time to enjoy a steamy mug of coconut tea that Paul and I brought home from our last trip to the BAHAMAS and a coconut crunch donut. Have I ever mentioned that I'm obsessed with coconut??? I know it won't be long until its so cold here that I will be longing to be back on a white sandy beach, but for now I'm enjoying the fall weather and enjoying the memories of a warm, wonderful time spent with my dear husband.

This picture was on our Christmas card last year. We drove all over the island on our moped to find that banner!

Anyway, I thought I'd share a little bit about how Lil' Man came into our life. Since before Paul and I were married we had discussed adoption. After we lost our first baby and then struggled for the next two years with fertility issues, we realized that adoption might be our only option to start a family of our own.

We honestly hadn't thought a lot about foster care. We knew that we wanted a permanent family and we knew other families who had become foster parents in hopes of adoption only to have the children placed back in the home after they had been told that it would be almost impossible for the child to go back to their birth family. It was emotionally difficult to give back a child whom they had hoped would be part of their family forever. They were able to see the blessings and graces that came from their time with the child[ren], but it is still difficult.

We also knew a family who has blessed many children's lives by taking them into their home in a strictly temporary situation. But, Paul and I realized, that at least for now, that wasn't what God was calling us to do.

Paul and I knew that we couldn't start a family while we were still trucking, so our first step was for Paul to quit trucking. We hoped that not being on the road would be less stressful on our bodies and maybe God would allow us to get pregnant. Our new job situation was wonderful, but our salary would only be a quarter of what we were making before, so we knew that we wouldn't be able to meet the "USCIS Income Requirements" for the type of adoptions that we were looking into.

We had several people call us at different times to tell us that there had been a baby saved from abortion and the mother was now looking to choose a couple to adopt her baby. Both times this happened we prayed and discerned that those children were not "our" children. It was kind of strange since we were almost desperately wanting to adopt, but in those moments we just knew that God had a different plan for us.

We knew that in God's time he would provide the finances and would lead us to the child he was calling us to help. Our only real concern was that we knew we wanted a large family and we knew that most children in foster care and in orphanages have been sexually abused. We were concerned about the physical and emotional damage that had been done. Many children who have had such experiences abuse other children, sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally. Very young children who have been abused act out things with themselves and with other children with out even realizing what they are doing. Trying to protect and keep all of the children safe and healthy can be very difficult despite even the best efforts of a parent.

There were just so many things to take in to consideration. Put we knew that God had put a desire on our heart so strongly that He had a reason and He would share it with us when we were ready. We just had to be open.

I can't go into a lot of specifics about our situation, but the basics story is that a week after Paul gave his two week notice we got a call that a mutual aquaintence was being deployed for an extended period of time and need a place for Lil' Man to stay during that time. There was no social work involved, etc. (there were some legal papers to be signed and taken care of, but it was very different than a "typical" foster care situation". It was God just saying, "The timing is right, if you are open to My Will you can recieve an incredible blessing that will change your life!"

Unlike previous calls we had recieve, Paul and I both knew that if it worked out it was totally God's Will and we were completely ready for this to happen. We found out a few days later that it probably wasn't going to happen and, though disappointed, took it in stride and knew God had a plan- looking at so many negative pregnancy test will helps you cope with those moments!!!

A few weeks later, on our wedding anniversary, Paul and I were out at lunch with friends when a recieved a call from a familiar number. I stepped outside to take the call in private and was told that Lil' Man would be coming to live with us for at least 6 months, if we were still open.

I walked back in, sat down at the table and began to cry when I told my husband that we were getting a baby! My heart was pounding so hard and it was honestly one of the most incredible feelings. We knew that it was only a temporary situation, but for as long as it lasted we would be able to love a child and bring him closer to God. It was the greatest wedding anniversary gift ever!

A week later we were able to meet our Lil' Man at a park and it was love at first sight. Days later he came home with us and our life has never been so blessed, so joyful, so crazy and so messy!!!! It's perfect.

About 1 month and 1 week after Lil' Man came into our home, God gave us our second miracle baby! Every night Lil' Man prays for "his new baby!" and asks to see him or her (while trying to pull up my shirt enough to look in my belly button!

Only God knows what is in store for this crazy little family of ours, but for now we are enjoying every second we have together. Please pray for us and for God's Will to be done in all of our lives.

Also, my apologies to those who are interested in how an "actual" foster care process takes places. I must say that I am grateful that I don't know, but I do wish I were able to answer your questions. If God is putting that desire on your heart, He will also put the resources in your hands. I am praying for everyone who is going through the process fostering and/or learning about it. It can be a blessing to both children and families.

Save a Life, PLEASE!

Before I go to bed, I have one favor to ask. Please follow this link: http://bit.ly/VOTE4RR and vote for Andrea from Reece's Rainbow in the People Magazine contest to give $10,000 to a charity. After having a child with down syndrome, Andrea began Reece's Rainbow to help find children in orphanages with disabilities (namely, down syndrome) adoptive families before they are instiutionalized at the age of 4!

In just a few short years she has helped hundreds of children and families come together and has literally saved these children's lives!

I have shared my love of this organization on my blog before, but now this is a chance to really help these little ones. Please, please take a few moments to vote and maybe check out the Reece's Rainbow blog and/or website to learn more about them.

My brother-in-law, Daniel, will soon be 22 and he has down syndrome. He is one of the most joyful and alive people I have ever known. I can't imagine how different his life could have been if he had born to a different family, been raised in an orphanage and then institutionalized. What happens to these children is literally a crime.

Please pray for all of God's Holy Innocents.

Adoption and the Holy Family

This morning Paul and I stopped in a tiny town nestled in the mountains of West Virginia. We were worried when we walked up the road towards the church, twenty minutes early, because there was only one car parked by the church. Had we gotten the mass time confused? Where else could we go at such late notice? Especially with an 18 wheeler! We had already walked there from the edge of town.

The doors were unlocked. We went in and discovered that the church was half filled with people who had walked. I was in love! I would love to just walk to my church, particularly on a snowy winter morning like today. I know that I had walked, but that was out of neccesity and not a decision based on living down the street. It just seems so quaint.

Fathers homily for the Feast of the Holy Family was about love being the driving force that makes the difference in a family. Not blood relationship. He spoke of families that fall apart during hard times because of the lack of love required for sacrafices that must be made in a family. He reminded us that St. Joseph was not the paternal father to Jesus, but rather an adopted father whose love bound him to Christ as much as any father could possibly love their child.

Father joked that looking at an image of the Holy Family is a not what you would expect to see from a "good, Catholic" family. Here was a family with one child. A father who was "a mere adopted father." But, they had love and were doing as God called them to do.

Father spoke about adoption, love and sacrafice.

I found myself crying. Its been a little over a year since I lost my baby, Paul Joshua. Was Father's homily God's way of asking Paul and I to prepare and try to adopt a downs syndrome baby? It has been on our minds since before we got married, but we aren't financially able to come up with the 20 to 30,000 needed for the adoption. There are so few jobs at home right now. So many potential mountains to climb.

Almost every day I ask myself why God is waiting to give us a baby. I know He has a reason. I just wish I knew what it is! At mass I found myself asking Him, "Lord, is this the reason you are waiting to give us a baby? Do you want us to choose a baby for our family?"

I look over the pages and pages of listings of children on Reece's Rainbow that desperately need families. We pray for them and the families that God is asking to adopt them. Are we one of those families??? We are pretty sure the answer is yes, but the timing is the question. Oh, and the money of course! :)

We have been working so hard. All of our student loans are paid off. The credit cards are gone and paid off. We have one last loan to pay off and we are debt free. Its an amazing feeling!

We've worked so hard to pay everything off that we haven't really saved anything but an emergency fund so far. So now the question is do we keep driving this truck over the road (which we think may be the reason we haven't been able to get pregnant yet) and save up money or go home and try to find a job that won't pay as well (the major industries in our area have gone belly up this past year and our county has the highest unemployment rate in the state), but potential get pregnant sooner? Of course that is a pretty cut and dry version.

Lord, what are you calling us to do???

All I can really do now is pray and trust Our Lord. I guess it just helps to verbalize my emotions and speak what's on my heart.

Please, Lord, give me patience and trust.

Ways of being a Parent (or Trusting in the Lord)

Yesterday Paul and I went to Mass at Our Lady of Lourdes parish somewhere in MO. The church was large and filled with many young families. There were more newborns than I have seen at one mass in a long time!

Before I ever met Paul, I knew that God was calling me to be a mother. I've wanted to take my children to met our Lord in Adoration. To share my love and faith with a new soul that God had given my husband and I the responsibility of helping to lead to heaven. To help someone "to know, love and serve God so [they] could be happy with Him in this world and the next". When I was still single I tried my best to fulfill that aspect of my vocation by teaching all my classes in a way that my students saw Christ in all things (Yes, even Math!). I took my Godddaughter to Mass and Adoration. I even took her to her first Christian concert.

I assumed that once I was married God would send us one baby after another. Sadly, that wasn't part of God's plan for us yet. Paul and I are from wonderfully large families and we never thought that we'd have a hard time having children.

Last Christmas we lost our first baby very early on. We named our little one Paul Joshua- Little P.J., our angel in heaven. That week we found out that my cousin, who was three months pregnant with her first, had breast cancer. Despite our aching hearts, we knew we must trust in the Will of the Lord and that our P.J. would be a strong intercessor for my cousin and her baby. My cousin safely delivered her daughter in May and is now preparing for a bi-lateral mastectomy. I rejoice that she and the baby are doing better than expected, but I can't help but to still grieve that I will never get to hold my little P.J. in this world.

Seven months have gone by and we still haven't been able to get pregnant again. I know God has a plan and, despite my weakness, I do trust in that plan. We have taken advantage of the special time God has given us to develop our relationship and we always enjoy the adventures that help us to grow closer to eachother and to fall more deeply in love. But, seeing all those families and their children at Mass yesterday, made my heart ache with longing.

After church, Paul and I spoke about how each of us has been feeling the desire for children and how we feel as though we haven't been able to fulfill our vocations fully- almost the way we felt when we were single and felt the anxiousness to move forward in our lives and to begin living out the vocation of marriage. That too was a time of trusting in the Lord and knowing that His timing is perfect in all things. We met and fell in love at a time when God knew we were ready- not when we THOUGHT we were ready. His time IS perfect. And so we continue to walk forward trusting in Him.

While Paul and I waited for God to bring us to each other, we did the work of God in the situations He presented us. We are trying to see the situations in which we can now serve Christ as a married couple. One small way has been by praying together for all the children and people who are alone. Especially children waiting for families to adopt them. We are praying to be able to adopt children ourselves when we are financially able to. This is what marriage is about-praying together through the hard times.

Each day is a journey of trust, putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward. Praying that we don't allow our lives to be motivated by selfishness, but by sacrifice. Offering up our hurts and heartaches for those who are hurting with out the faith to see them through their difficult times.

We are especially praying for couples who are able to adopt, to be open to that special calling. Their are so many children in need of love and families. But, it is so easy for us to feel comfort in our routine or to fear not being able to meet the financial or emotional needs of an adopted child. We are all called to adopt these children, wether it is through bringing a child into our home or praying daily for a child in need and trusting that God will send the right people into that childs life. It is all about Trust in the Lord.

Please view the children waiting for families on this link http://www.reecesrainbow.com/ and, as a family, pray for them. Our prayers, joined with yours, will bless these and all children in need. For now, these are the children God has placed in our lives.

Paul and I are the parent of P.J., the Godparents of two beautiful little girls, and we can try to provide for the spiritual needs of many children through our prayers. This spiritual "parenting" seems to be what God is calling us to in this place and this time. It is another step in faith and another means of fulfilling our vocation.